Commanding under fire, caught in the spotlight - every woman in defence needs to read this

I was 26 years old when I led eight AS90 guns into battle during the Iraq War. Within days, I found myself in front of cameras and journalists, being interviewed on the frontline with absolutely no preparation and no training behind me - nothing beyond a little public speaking practice at Sandhurst. I had no idea what I was doing, and it showed. My friends laughed when they eventually saw the footage - laughed at the raw, unpolished version of me fumbling through an interview in front of the guns. But they also cried, because they had heard nothing since we crossed the frontline two weeks earlier, and seeing me on screen meant I was safe. 

Thankfully, that experience did not stop the invitations coming. Over the years I was asked to deliver keynotes, appear live on Lorraine Kelly's sofa, unveil statues, and take my place in rooms I had never imagined I would be in. And yet for a long time I carried the same toolkit I had started with - which is to say, almost nothing. What I built, I built slowly and largely through trial and error. What I know now is that proper training and preparation would have made an enormous difference. Not just to what I said or how I said it, but to the weeks of broken sleep and mental battles that came before every moment in the spotlight. 

That is exactly what She's the Expert is here to change. We want women to walk into those rooms equipped, not just with confidence, but with the practical tools that mean they are not lying awake the night before, fighting themselves. They deserve better than that. We all did. 

You can't be it if you can't see it 

There is a phrase that kept surfacing during our recent She's the Expert session in collaboration with ADS Group: "You can't be it if you can't see it." It is simple, but it carries real weight. Because when you look at the stages, panels, studios and conference floors of the defence and security sector, the imbalance in who is visible is still stark. 

That is not a criticism of the brilliant men who fill those spaces. It is an observation about what happens when women, equally brilliant and equally qualified, consistently step back rather than forward. 

We run She's the Expert because we believe that communications expertise is one of the most powerful tools we can put in the hands of women working in defence. And we offer it freely, because if our skills can help level the playing field, then sharing them is simply the right thing to do. 

The real barrier is rarely capability 

In the room at ADS Group, we had women who were expert in their fields. The challenge was not what they knew. It was how they felt about sharing it publicly. Imposter syndrome came up early, and it came up often. That quiet internal voice that tells you someone else is better placed to take the microphone, that your contribution might not be enough, that the stronger personality in the room should probably lead. 

The first and most important thing we explored was how to reframe that thinking. Not to silence self-doubt entirely, but to challenge the assumptions underneath it and replace them with something more useful. Reframing is something I return to again and again in my own speaking life. Even now, with everything I have learned and every stage I have stood on, I can still feel that hesitation creeping in. What makes the difference is having the tools to meet it - breathing, reframing, knowing where to put your focus. These things cannot be shortcut. You have to get out there and start speaking and then keep going. But having the right toolkit changes everything about how that journey feels. 

Shifting the focus from yourself to your audience 

One of the most practical reframes we shared is also one of the most effective: when you walk onto a stage or take a seat on a panel, you are not there to perform. You are there to give something to the people in the room. They have a problem, a question, a gap in their thinking, and you have the expertise to help with it. The moment you shift your focus from how you are coming across to what you can offer, nerves begin to settle and authority begins to come naturally. 

This is not a trick. It is a genuine shift in purpose, and it changes everything about how you carry yourself and how you communicate. 

Using your voice with confidence and collaboration 

We also spent time on the practicalities of speaking well. How to use your voice to convey authority without aggression. How to structure your points so they land clearly rather than getting lost. How to engage on a panel in a way that is collaborative and generous, adding to the conversation rather than competing within it. 

Preparation matters enormously here. Giving yourself the best possible experience as a speaker starts long before you open your mouth. Knowing your material, understanding your audience and having a clear sense of what you want them to take away are the foundations of a confident performance. 

The power of community 

Perhaps the most striking thing about the session was not any single piece of advice. It was the energy in the room when women started sharing their experiences honestly with one another. The recognition, the laughter, the genuine championing of one another. 

I joined the Army in 2000, and the contrast between then and now is dramatic. The networks, the genuine support, particularly the support that women offer one another, and the visible commitment to improving representation have shifted the landscape in ways that matter deeply. Seeing role models, hearing how others are navigating the same challenges, watching the initiatives designed to make women more visible in the forces – all of this is a game changer. That sense of community is not a secondary concern or a nice-to-have. It is central to what She's the Expert is about. We are not here to put anyone down. We are here to lift each other up, and to make it easier for the next woman walking into a conference hall to see someone who looks like her already on the stage. 

There is still work to do 

Representation in defence is improving, but it is not where it needs to be. Every woman who steps forward as a visible expert makes it a little easier for the next one. Every session like this one builds the confidence, the skills and the community that make that possible. 

If you would like to bring She's the Expert into your organisation, we would love to hear from you.